feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
