You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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