dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
