And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
