there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
