so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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