how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
