I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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