Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I sprained my soul last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
