we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
