so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
