You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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