i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
