its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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