I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
