I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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