i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
