Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
