i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
