the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Terrible idea I love it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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