remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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