Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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