Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
