We're facebook friends in real life
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
