did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
