Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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