Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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