every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
