We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
