Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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