hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my being single is dangerous.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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