So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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