you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
