got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
