i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
