Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
