First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
