I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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