I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
