Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
