I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
