i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
