we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You are the jesus of drinking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
