Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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