4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
