hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
