We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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