So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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