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Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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