I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
