I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
