"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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