i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize