They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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