He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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