I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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