He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
