I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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