Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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