her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
