im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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