so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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