Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
