toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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