the condom got lost in my hair
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
